Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
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Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
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Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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