I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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