My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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