I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize