I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
