Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
they're like a gay fantastic four
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
