College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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