It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
