i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
