Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
