dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
