do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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