Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize