thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
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I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
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Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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