I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Randomize
