I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
