I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
