my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
