it was like eating out sand paper
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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