hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
