I think my fart just growled at me.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
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