He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Randomize
