The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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