Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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