you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
