he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
This is my gift to your gina
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
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