The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
