Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
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