Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I just want nice things and good sex
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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