I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
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tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
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