I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize