Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
