just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Randomize