i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
