dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
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