Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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