the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
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In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
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She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
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