Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
