we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
