Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
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Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
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Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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