Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
