just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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