I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
