its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
