i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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