Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Randomize
