Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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