can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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