I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT