last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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