i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
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Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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