I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
