Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I have post one night stand depression
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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