Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
