I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
He shit in the fireplace
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
