I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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