She said her name was "party"
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
