i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Randomize
