Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize