Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
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when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
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He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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