Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I have fence marks all over my body
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize