what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
My liver is preforming stress tests.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
