So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
