I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
