I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Don't make out with my wife yet
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
