This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
